O SANTA, MY SANTA: YULETIDE COMES AT LAST

Hello, kids. How's every little thing? All cool with you? I hope so.

Sure has been A Quiet Year, huh? Well, whether or not the Frost Shepherds come, I'm here now and I'm full of sparkling glittery lovehearts for each one of you.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: YUUUUUUUUUUUULETIDE. It is a balm for the soul, whether reading treasures plucked from casks of gold or writing a story with your nose to the page, trying to make it JUST SO.

What would I like this year? I'll tell you true, I would like anything that catches your eye - did you see something glow, a flicker, a sheen? Half-remembered, an imperfect impression, a ghost that sighs in your ear in a language you can't name? Let it be the dream that wakes you and has you scrambling to write it down, symbols that transmute into motive and character and a thread of plot. THAT is what I want.

Once, when I was just having a total mindblank about what I even wanted for Yuletide one year, I asked Punk what I should ask for, and she gave me these sage words:

 

"I'm betting you probably want hugs, and maybe some good times. UST. Sweetly awkward first dates. A quest to find the perfect sweater. Followed by a quest to defeat evil. Handholding. Friendship. Make outs in the balckseat of a car. Sharing a soda in the library. Rollerskating. Ice cream socials. CLAMBAKES. Finding a mysterious thing in the closet. Teamwork. A literal roll in the hay."

 

She is not wrong. Any or all of these things would be stellar additions to any or all of the fandoms listed below:

The Queen's Thief - Megan Whalen Turner  

You know, we have yet to meet any of Gen's brothers and sisters, of which he has more than one of each, as near as I can tell. A little family life? His father? (who loved him enough to try his damndest to kill his son rather than see him tortured to death at her hands...) What must they think of Attolia?

 

Again, I love any eye on Gen, especially Attolia, Eddis or Phresine, and I am eager to see him loafing around or plotting against other kingdoms.

 

Also, if you have a little Costis/Aris lying around somewhere, I would like to see it. Those cuties. EXCEPT THAT SINCE THICK AS THIEVES I AM 100% ON BOARD WITH COSTIS/KAMET PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

 

I love temple stories, so feel free to sing me a song of the gods! Attolia telling Gen a story (in bed in the afterglow), Aris telling Costis a story (that leads to bed), Phresine telling a story to someone's children... before bed. I feel sure Eddis and Sophos will have a million adorable kiddos and Attolia and Gen. Well. That child will have her ears full of tales from the very cradle, won't she?

Dublin Murder Squad Series - Tana French  

 

Scorcher is so very lonely, and he was clearly genuinely fond of Richie, and Richie was fucking ADORABLE and A+ about being a good mate and second. So. If he and Richie could somehow... have ALL THE HUGS, jesus, Scorcher needs so many hugs. Please write a nice little unlikely fix it for our Scorcher?

 

Or how about something narrated by Sam? I feel, like, 90% sure that all that late night whiskey and hanging out together with Cassie and Rob ended in at LEAST one inappropriate kiss for/from at LEAST two people.

 

Lord Peter Wimsey - Dorothy L. Sayers  

I would like a post-Busman's Honeymoon or post-Gaudy Night dinners and banter and sweet make outs. Bonus for mysteries! Or espionage~ Perhaps they lay one of the Wimsey ghosts to rest?

 

OH MAN OR: a crossover with Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries? Harriet and Phryne would get along like a house on fire: Phryne could flirt with Peter [OBVIOUSLY SHE IS AN OLD GIRLFRIEND FROM PARIS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT] and share smart clothes with Harriet and Phryne would be adrift without Jack of course, but perhaps... Bunter might cheer her nights?

 

Secret History - Donna Tartt  

 

More background info on anyone, pre- or during the events of the book - anyone except RICHARD. Ugh. Richard. That fuckin' guy. Henry is a great favorite, but Francis would have so many tales, and there’s something darkly funny about poor Charles being driven to drink as “the normal one”; he must have been beside himself trying to be cool while Henry chose which books to carry to make a good impression on the cops. Charles has for sure been on the wrong side of the law-probably for underage drinking, I would think. Or petty theft. He strikes me as a kid who took what he wanted, shortage of pocket money or no. And Camilla, being his look out or his lawyer or his designated liar, promising to keep an eye on him, to keep him out of trouble, when he’s stolen the gum for her, the charm bracelet, the pregnancy test.

 

Mad Men  

 

Joan and Peggy and Sally and Dawn in 1982. They're all successful, natch, but what are they doing? PLEASE TO DESCRIBE and if you have Peggy and Stan still together I will hug your face and if they're not together and she's not with Joyce (at least as friends drinking and talking shit about people at expensive bars) I will weep many sad tears.

 

Princess Bride (1987)  

 

Mix it up! Post-movie, Inigo and Fezzik are owners of a ship. I assume they don't feel super piratey, and then ferry a lot of guest stars around. Who finds themselves on the Slaked Vengeance? (It was the Revenge, but it's time for a fresh start, don't you think?) 

 

*

 

Now, here are some ideas about what I like to find under the tree/in my stocking Yuletide Morn:

 

How do you feel about crossovers and AUs of various sorts?

 

I love crossovers.  Fusionfic! College AUs. ADORE them!  I tend to love them best if I know both fandoms, so there's that, but mostly: <3.  I dig an elegant mashup, man. And since characterization is my FAVORITE, and clever AUs can make characters pop, so bring it on! (You may have noticed that I have been plainly angling for a Wimsey/Fisher mystery!)

 

 

Do you have tropes/details/kinks you like particularly?

 

"Happy Ending" is probably my main trope.  I don't think that's even a trope, really, but.  I love me a good body swap, actually, and maybe above all others PRETEND BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS. WILL THEY FALL IN LOVE????  I think that could work in just about every fandom I’ve ever been in. 

 

Well, maybe there's no way Dublin Murder Squad could make it lighthearted. But. 

 

Just think of Frank romancing Scorcher for... important undercover reasons. Say... as dates at a wedding just after marriage equality passes. Bringing him drinks and asking him to dance. SCORCHER WOULD BLUSH FOR SURE. Now make it Richie and they would totally sweetly kiss at the doorstep when Richie dropped Mick off...::props chin on hands and moons about how that would be soooooooooooo cuuuuuuuute::

 

What do you like about the canon? What do you like about the characters, if you specified?

 

Lord Peter Whimsey Mysteries

 

I love how self-aware Peter is, and how invested he is, and how much compassion he has for the murderers.  I love how short-tempered Harriet can be, and how she suffers no fools, and how she fights being in love with Peter for ages (for what, isn't it like SEVEN YEARS?), right until she can't anymore and then goes all in.  I have always, I should admit, been a little disappointed in her for not solving Gaudy Night before Peter, but then she was handicapped by a threat to her sanity and her ideals and the place she held as a sanctuary and everybody was freaking out, so. I forgive. I do love when Harriet finally admits she loves Peter (and I love how Peter finally REALLY understands why his constant/playful/earnest proposals were maybe kind of inappropriate and even, dare I say it, bullying.) Bunter always felt perhaps a little underdeveloped, his noble devotion to Peter aside, so if you wanted to write something from his POV, I would dig it!

 

Mad Men

 

I love it best when the ladies OWN IT. When Joan lets someone know that she’s got their number, when Peggy kills it at a presentation, or loses her shit and lets people HAVE IT when someone’s mean to her. Dawn, quiet but wise to timing, and carving a place for herself with both confidence and competence. I love it when they’re on top of their game, and taking the time to enjoy the moment – like when Sally decided to kiss the scientist kid who had a sense of wonder instead of the sneering hot guy during the moon walk. In that instant, we knew Sally would definitely not grow up to her mother. She would choose for herself.

The Queen’s Thief

I love that Gen GROWS UP. He stops being a brash, willful little self-involved punk (even though his intentions were always good). He BECOMES. I love that Attolia lets herself love him and lets herself trust the world again, even though the threats against her and her nation are probably greater than ever. I love that Eddis is their friend before she’s a ruler. I love that Costis loved Gen ages before he knew he did, and that Gen loves him unswervingly (enough to CHANGE HIS RELIGION), and maybe did (just a little) even before he chose poor Costis as his unwitting linchpin. I love that Sophos is going to blush every time he touches Eddis’ hand for, like, a solid year. And holy oh my gods, KAMET/COSTIS yes please ::grabby hands::

 

Dublin Murder Squad

The characters are flawed but always well-intentioned. Well. Maybe except for Rob. Fuckin' Rob, man. French's writing is vivid and alluring and visceral and hypnotically good--it's like a sensory hallucination sometimes. I love the characters with crippling self-doubt who power through, trying to fake it til they make it (Rob, Scorcher) and the sweethearts who do dumb shit trying to help someone out (Cassie, Richie), I love the cynical bastards who love fiercely (Frank) and I love that in a dark world, they still try to carry the light, they still search for something to right the wrongs.

 

 

What kind of stories do you like/dislike, what you like about these particular fandoms/characters, fandom-specific prompts?

 

While I have found a cathartic cry both beautiful and satisfying, at the end of the day, I will always prefer a happy ending.  I don't care for maiming injuries or major character deaths (drawing room murders and/or ghosts and *ahem* the perils of thieving don't apply to this, natch).  I love any kind of close relationship, be it best friends or passionate lovers.  I just want everyone to be happy, basically.

 

What genre (sff/action/romance/procedural/character study, etc) do you like/dislike?

 

I like everything! I am not kidding. Every time I’m like, eh, that’s not my favorite, then someone will write something amazing and I’ll be all, hey! THAT’S PRETTY GOOD. I would say what my actual least favorite is, but I fear you’d take it as a gauntlet being thrown.

 

 

Do you have any squicks/triggers/things generally you don't want?

I don't like humiliation or hate or physical suffering (I would probably make an exception in Gen’s case, since his work is so dangerous/demanding) or misogyny, but I feel like you'd never write stuff like that anyway, Yule Santa!!

 

 

How do you feel about het/gen/slash/femslash?

Yes, please! I can be persuaded of poly (por ejemplo, Cassie/Rob/Sam... ::koff, koff::), but in general, I like to keep it to two people (who love each other!) in bed at a time.

 

OMG, though now I kind of want Peter/Harriet/Phryne... a really lot?

 

 

What ratings do you prefer?

 

I love all ratings, and dig the most modest to the most explicit; sometimes just having someone brush the backs of their fingers against the back of someone else's hand can be infinitely sigh-deeply satisfying – I might find TRIPLE X a little jarring in a Wimsey story or Queen’s Thief, but hey.

 

*

 

May hurricanes sputter and fade long before they pass over any lands, may the earth be still and firm beneath your feet, may roaring flames and cracked, gasping Earth alike be sated by cool, gentle rains, may the entire nation stare into each other's eyes for a long unbroken moment and find the spark of humanity that we all long to recognize, to cherish and nurture and embrace. I want you and me and we and us and also "them" to all sleep easy and dream deeply and wake refreshed. I want a future for you--every mishap sidestepped, every injustice brought to light and balanced, where the broken and the desperate who long to lash out and broadcast their pain across the land stay at home instead and call a friend, a sister, a doctor before... Before.

And if. And if. 

According to every zealot patiently handing out flyers I've met, my soul shall not re-coalesce on the side of the angels, where YOU, my darlings, will surely be (one day, sure, but at least 150 years from the moment you read this, and ANY moment you read this), ensconced in fashionable raiment and sipping all manner of delights while astride a magnificent unicorn and petting a quokka. Or maybe astride a princely, pony-sized capybara and petting a magnificent quokka-sized unicorn.

Either way, I'll love you still in hell.